its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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