I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
