Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
