I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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