they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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