you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
