The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
