foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
