Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
