i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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