The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
