margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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