absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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