her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the raccoons are back...
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