I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
