Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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