Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
