do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Your dad touched me again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
