you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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