She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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