My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
