but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize