It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She needs sedatives and a leash
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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