I just threw up on my dentist
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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