I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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