You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize