Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
