I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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