I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
