what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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