just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
