I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
