as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
