his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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