im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
