dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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