No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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