Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
