i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
