Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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