Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
