Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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