I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
