Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
