i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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