sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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