WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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