You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
