Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
