conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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