Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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