i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
