I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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