I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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