My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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