she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
