Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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