Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
