your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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