I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
