I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
