You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize