Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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