people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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