I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Enjoy the penises
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
