i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
