She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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